Somehow I knew it, something is going to happen. For days everything was preparing me for it.
And still…
There you are, doing your things. Sitting in a chair and having people around talking about meaningful topics and there you are, struggling to be. To be present. But you are in the spotlight. Can not hide. And you try your best. To hear. To acknowledge. To answer and to be. But you got knocked out. In a fraction of a second, Your heart got a hint. In the middle of the event, my heart forgot its rhythm. I could feel it. Stopped and restored. Once. Twice. And then once again. Detached from the here and now Something changed within me. The most misused, and misunderstood and crushed piece of my heart arrived back to me.
Is strange when you have so much within….emotions, sensations, words, and long long monologues, debates, and impressions within you.
And yet when you try to express them, to put it in words, somehow it is impossible to give this intensity a regular shape. Strangely words are not enough. Not the right way for me to express myself. Words would squeeze all this intangible experience into a box and would limit its potential.
So where do I go?
How do I give shape to intensity?
Closing my eyes…I know the answer…
In-between life and death there is a land of no gravity. There is freedom from all mind projected limitations….there is the land of All, where the intangible can create itself a silhouette. In between you find the channel to accept, release, weep, and let go of everything and nothing, everyone and no one. Journey without distance.
No tools left, except the one you always resisted. Surrender. Let it be.
Trust with every layer of your being, trust that the mind ruled “game over”, is the beginning of a beautiful new chapter, expansion into a still to discover happiness.
“Wondering…
If now, your stubborn silence and rejection will finally be answered with silence and detachment, will you be happy?”
Be brave my heart, have courage, my soul.
Anna Konya Abstract Art 